Lady Barbara Says...
Truth to tell, I detest pirates, but if you must come up to our little corner of the Empire, then I guess you better had. I told the staff to lay out our finest silver but it was stolen by a pirate answering to that decidedly ungentlemanly Captain Steve. (Although, I must say, there is something to be said for pirates after the sun's gone down behind the fo’c’sle....)
Your bed linens must be imported, of course, and be sure to leave all proper modesty and decorum at your townhouse. We don't approve of that sort of thing up here. Consult the Groaning Board for meal arrangements.
Visitors may call upon me of an evening in my favourite sitting room: any one of the three will serve. Ahem.